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Van
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Coach: What would you say to a beer, Normie?
Norm: Daddy wuvs you.
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Cheers
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Coach: Can I draw you a beer, Norm?
Norm: No, I know what they look like. Just pour me one.
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Cheers
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Coach: What's new, Norm?
Norm: I need something to hold me over until my second beer.
Coach: How about a first beer?
Norm: That'll work.
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Cheers
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Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.
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Cheers
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An oppressive government is more to be feared than a tiger, or a beer.
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Confucius
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Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
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Dave Barry
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Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
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Dave Barry
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When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year. I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer.
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Dave Barry
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All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer and we are drinking Barry Manilow.
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Dave Barry
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If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.
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David Daye
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Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.
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David Moulton
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It is nice when you can sit back with some friends, drink some beer and have a good time.
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Dave Matthews
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If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.
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Deep Thoughts van Jack Handy
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Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.
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Jack Handy
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Prohibition makes you want to cry into your beer and denies you the beer to cry into.
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Don Marquis
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You're all wanking sissies if you even think about using a grain mill, teeth, or ball-peen hammer. A real brewer uses 17 vestal virgins stomping on the grain in a large wooden vat. And yeast is for losers. True brewers just dip one end of their dog into the wort to get things going.
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Drew Avis
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Quaintest thoughts, queerest fancies come to life and fade away. What care I how time advances; I am drinking ale today.
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Edgar Allan Poe
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You can't have a Real Country unless you have a BEER and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a BEER.
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Frank Zappa
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I'll have another beer. I'm not driving.
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Father Theodore, een trappisten monnik
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Many battles have been fought and won by soldiers nourished on beer.
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Frekerick William
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Men kan water drinken in plaats van bier, maar dan is het jammer dorst te hebben.
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Fritz Francken, Vlaams schrijver (ps. van F. E. C. Clijmans) (1893-1969)
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Beer does not make itself properly by itself. It takes an element of mystery and of things that no one can understand.
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Fritz Maytag, Amerikaanse brouwer
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If my mother was tied up and held ransom, I might think about making a light beer.
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Greg Koch, CEO en medeoprichter Stone Brewing
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Brewers enjoy working to make beer as much as drinking beer instead of working.
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Harold Rudolph
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Put it back in the horse!
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H. Allen Smith, nadat hij z'n eerste Amerikaanse bier dronk
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